I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
