We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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