am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
