his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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