So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
