If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
