If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
