Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
