its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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