someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
