Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
