Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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