and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
