What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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