But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
