Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
