Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
