i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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