I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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