a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
