i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
