yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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