DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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