This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
