If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
