I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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