Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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