Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
