Don't you send me to vm
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
