At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
