Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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