Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
