I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
