If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
