My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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