mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
