I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
