I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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