so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
