i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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