Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Is Oprah even human
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
