I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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