I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
