he wants to bone in the snuggie
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
