ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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