Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We don't watch enough power rangers
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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