Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
