Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
No subtext here. People are naked.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
