i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
