Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
