My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We are all done wearing pants today
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
