ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
