i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
foreskin is a definite game changer
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
