Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
