Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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